F.R.I.E.N.D.S : The TV show with hidden social messages

Course Code and Name: MSJ11453 Communication & Technology

the topic of my analysis is “FRIENDS: the show with hidden social messages”, I will analyze episodes which have shown the above mentioned issues that has been shown on the TV series (gay marriage, adoption, surrogacy and single motherhood). Although there have been various episodes where the plot lines have been developed, I will be taking four episodes which were the “turning points” or give off an important message about these issues. S.i.n.c.e The first episode of discussion will “The One with the Lesbian Wedding”, one of most progressive plots of the TV show. The next one is "The One With Phoebe's Uterus", an episode about surrogacy and the joy of selfless giving. The episode “The One with the Birth Mother”, is where Monica and Chandler decide to adopt children and make a life-changing decision. While the plot of adoption has been developed for a long time, this particular episode gives off a revolutionary message. And lastly, the analysis will be about “The One With the Stripper”. Although, this is not the episode where the audience finds out about the character Rachel’s pregnancy, but this episode surely does establish the fact that Rachel wants to opt for single motherhood. The One with the Lesbian Wedding Since the first episode of the first season, we are aware that one of the protagonists, Ross, has been divorced because his partner, Carol, is in a relationship with a girl. And not only that, the three of them co-parent a baby together (which of course is Ross’s) and in meanwhile, Ross also dates other people. But this signifies an episode which was altogether a new experience for me, a gay marriage. This 11th episode of Friends's second season aired in 1995 when things were much less accepting than today. In fact, same-sex marriage was not even legal at that time. The episode begins with the news of Carol and Susan (Carol’s partner) announcing their news of marriage. Meanwhile, Phoebe gets possessed by an old lady who wants to see something she has not witnessed while she was alive. The old lady’s spirit was a metaphorical representation of something revolutionary. Same-sex marriage has been legal in New York in June 2011, sixteen years after this episode has been aired ((Office of the City Clerk - New York City, n.d.). ​ (Image from the episode “The one with Lesbian wedding - Season 2; Episode 11) Hence, it was quite a revolutionary subject in the history of media, as a whole. Ross, former husband of Carol, was in dilemma for a long time since he had to leave his former wife, and this time, forever. It is interesting that none of the characters were shown to be absolutely okay from the beginning. You can sense their awkwardness, typical “gay” jokes from the beginning of the time. But the story takes a turn when Ross, who was actually not at all okay, goes on to support his former wife. Considering the entire controversy of same-sex marriage, Carol’s parents refuse to attend the wedding. This disheartens Carol and makes her want to give her a second on this. It is that time when Ross, who found it hard to accept the whole thing, goes on her support. The dialogues that were said by Ross while consoling marriage went to be an emotional moment that depicts that it doesn’t matter what the world thinks, the only thing that matters is who makes us happy. The conversation between Carol and Ross was powerful enough to re-think and re-invent the definition of attachment in our society. Eventually Ross not only approves of the marriage, but also escorts Carol during the wedding. And finally when the wedding takes place, Phoebe’s old lady spirit leaves her body saying “I have finally seen everything”. This is when the storyline has neutralized the barriers of stereotype by normalizing an issue which was a taboo at that point of time. The One With Phoebe's Uterus Over the years, ‘Friends’ has been criticized for many issues for its portrayal of modern culture, and sometimes by modern culture for its portrayal of ‘somewhat’ sexist jokes. But one thing that the show absolutely nailed was it’s portrayal of motherhood. The first female cast to have a baby was Phoebe, or most specifically, three babies(Harding, 2020). Although her journey of motherhood was shown for almost one season, it is this episode when Phoebe decides to be a surrogate for her mother. This episode also shows the birth mother of Phoebe, who abandons Phoebe and her twin right after their birth. (Image from ‘The One With Phoebe's Uterus’- Season 4, Episode 11) In the episode "The One With Phoebe's Uterus" (Season 4, Episode 11), Phoebe’s brother Frank Jr. and his wife were unable to conceive. It is then when her brother urges Phoebe to have a baby. In this episode, Phoebe goes to her birth mother to ask if she should actually do this since all her friends were not really supportive. Her mother gives her a puppy and asks her to raise the puppy for a few days and then give it back. This was more like an “eye-opener” test for Phoebe to make her understand that this might actually be the hardest decision for her. During the end, it was shown that Phoebe gets attached to the puppy and finds it hard to give it back to her father. And just then, she realizes it may actually be harder to give up children that she would bear for nine months. Right when she decides to refuse her brother, she sees how happy her brother and his wife were playing with that puppy. This eventually gives her a sense of joy; a joy that comes from giving happiness to others. The metaphorical use of a puppy was one of the catches in the episode. It is commendable how they have been compared to a pet and tried to portray their attachment. But the underlying message, which portrayed surrogacy as a noble act of giving, was a winner for me. (Image from ‘The one with the stripper’ - season 8, episode 8) The One With the Stripper Ross Geller and Rachel Green had the most twists and turns in their relationships. From “We were on a break” to a drunken wedding, the couple did manage to keep the audience at the edge of their seats. But like other female casts of the show, Rachel had her fair share of “revolutionary moments” with motherhood. Season 8, episode 8 may derail you with its name, but this episode marks the moment when Rachel decides to be a single mother. Emma, Rachel’s baby, was the result of a “fun and meaningless” night between Ross and Rachel. They both were not in a relationship, neither did they have any plan to. When Rachel broke the news of her pregnancy, her friends were worried for her. To a point, Joey even decided to marry her. But Rachel always seemed sure that she wanted to co-parent her child with Ross, out of wedlock. The reason I have chosen this particular episode to analyze is because this is when we understand how frustrated the surroundings can get when they hear about a single mother. This episode showed the most important man of Rachel’s life, her father. Although he seemed very okay with the idea of pregnancy, his next question was “when is the wedding?”. A stereotypical mentality shown through an aged man and how the patriarchal society has given the power to a “man”. Even though Rachel was independent, it was hard for Rachel to convince her father that she is capable of raising that child alone. Rachel’s father, like most typical South-Asian dads, goes on to blame Ross for his daughter’s “condition”. And Ross, being a typical man, says he “offered” to marry her. Although the plot had its fair share of comic timing, it has definitely shown how “men” put them into an authority over women, even if they are very much modern and self-sufficient. This episode addressed stereotypes through Ross and Mr.Green and even broke the stereotype when Rachel was determined that she needs no man to raise a kid. The One With the Birth Mother Episode 9 of Season 10 is all about Monica and Chandler. This episode is a mixture of drama, comedy and a heart-touching message. In past episodes, Monica and Chandler find out they cannot conceive which breaks their heart. It is then they both decide to go for adoption. They find a girl, Erica who is willing to give her child to the couple. However, things take a turn when Monica and Chandler find out the birth mother actually has a wrong idea about them. That, of course, puts Monica into panic and she decides not to (Image from The One with the birth mother - Episode 9, Season 10) tell the truth. But soon, their original profile reveals to Erica which disheartens her and she decides not to give her child to the couple. Knowing how much this would make Monica sad, Chandler goes to Erica to convince her for the last time. “She is a mother, without a child” - a line that made all of us teary-eyed, is where the underlying message is. Even in the year 2022, the concept of adopted child or step/foster mother is very “unreal” to us. But this one particular line showed how “motherhood” has nothing to do with biology. It is how and what you feel and it doesn't matter where your child came from. Parenthood is beyond biology and you are ready to be a parent the moment you think you are. Hence, even though Monica and Chandler lied, the last conversation convinced Erica enough about how desperately they want to nurture a new life. The purpose of the five episodes was to understand how Sitcom shows like “Friends” can have an underlying important message in them. Friends, a Sitcom that has often been under the radar for it's not-so-cool jokes, actually normalized a few important things of our society. The show that started during the early 90s (1994) and went off-air in the early 2000s has given us, the audience, a new and more broader perspective. Being someone who grew up watching friends, I can easily tell that I have not found same-sex marriage, surrogacy, single motherhood or even adoption to be alien concepts to believe in. ​It was later I understood that these things are not perceived as “normal”. This is a TV show that has served a humongous number of audiences across the world, and also different generations. And that probably shows the effectiveness of media that the newer generation is much more accepting towards these topics. To conclude, I want to mention that it is important what kind of concepts we are selling at the end. And sometimes, comedy is the best way to normalize topics that have been considered as taboos for the longest period of time.